I’d have to say that kissing and hugging my children are the highlights of my life.  The special little moments that happen, maybe not every day, but darn close.  Bedtime has got to be a favorite of mine.

After L* is asleep.  Breathing softly.  Warm skin.  The feel of her cheek under my lips.  Silky and sweet.  The nook where her nose meets her cheek. The sweet little nuckles of her hands.  Sometimes I just put my nose close to their mouth and inhale the sweetness.  I try to kiss her softly all over her face so as not to wake her. But it never fails. I can’t get enough and soon enough she shifts from all of my kisses.

Her legs. Her “baby” legs.  I like to hold them with one hand while I drive her to school in the morning.  I pretend I can’t find it and then squeal with delight when I rub on her skin.  She laughs.

Her little antics.  She’s my stubborn, girly girl.  Twirly dresses, glitter lipgloss, no eye shadow. She’s into Tinkerbell (Tink), Cars (Lightneen Ba-kween), Dora, and Special Agent Oso (Madgenashen Oso).

Rubbing my daughter’s back when she is ill.  Being the mother I envisioned.  Nursing K* to a place most comforting in her illness.  Getting a lukewarm washcloth for her head, crushed ice, holding her hair, cooling her neck.  Washing her back and simply being there. Being there for her when she needs me.  That is my great accomplishment.  I could ask for no other.  My hope is that I can provide enough for her to appreciate me and my efforts. To know that all I want in life is for her happiness, and her sisters’.  For K to ask me to get things, that she likes when I rub her back because it “makes her forget everything that is painful.”  Oh…it warms my heart.

It sweeps the dust from the corners of my heart when N* tells me “i love u” from her new phone.  A phone that we decided to get for her safety.  She’s such an appreciative girl.  She’s the loving, affectionate gal.  Genuine.  Beautiful.  Heart of Gold.

I relish in these moments and really need to hold on to them before they all get away from me.  It is a rather difficult thing to do: hold on, yet loosen my grip so they grow to prosper as individuals.  Yet another “evil” of parenting.  Letting go.

When C was about 2 months old, I exchanged baby-related pleasantries with a lady in a shoe shop. After she had made the standard enquiries — how old was C, what was her name — she asked me whether I was breastfeeding. Although this was a fairly impertinent question, I was still in the midst of 2-hourly feeds, and therefore quite happy to talk to strangers about nursing. She then started telling me about her own grandchild, who was a few months older than C, and teething. I mentioned an acquaintance who’s son had just cut a tooth at three months. ‘That is early,’ she said, ‘and it’ll mean the end of breastfeeding!’

I knew, of course, that it meant nothing of the sort: from a physiological perspective teeth pose no problem at all, and  it is perfectly possible to breastfeed babies who have any number of them. My sister and I were both early teethers, and there was a possibility that C would be too. There was no way I was going to let that stop me from breastfeeding prematurely, and it simply wasn’t something I worried about.

I was right, of course, not to worry about teething and breastfeeding. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean it was going to be quite as trouble-free as I expected. When C’s bottom teeth came through, it was fine — I genuinely couldn’t tell when I was nursing. This is not altogether surprising, as the tongue extends over the bottom teeth during suckling, making biting pretty much impossible. When her top teeth started to appear, she let me know about it, however. Problems ranged from the odd isolated nip, to scraping her teeth along my nipple when she drew it into her mouth, to looking me in the eye and chomping down quite deliberately.

While I could tolerate the first two, the third I found both upsetting and eye-wateringly painful. I also took it personally. I could accept on a rational level that C probably wasn’t trying to hurt me deliberately, but it really didn’t feel like that. Tears and remonstrations followed these early biting episodes, and neither of us was very happy at the end of them.

I searched hard for a scientific perspective on the problem. How common was biting, how long would it last, and most importantly, was there anything I could do about it? Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any research addressing these issues. There were plenty of midwives voicing their thoughts on the issue, but none backing it up with any evidence.

Opinions about the appropriate course of action can be divided roughly into two camps: tell your baby quite clearly not to do it and stop nursing immediately; or pretend it hasn’t happened and carry on. I tried both, and I have no idea which, if either, worked. All I do know, is that after a difficult few weeks of C biting on and off, she finally stopped sinking her teeth in, and hasn’t done it now for several months.

Many mothers find biting understandably difficult to cope with, and view it as a reason to stop breastfeeding, often because it appears to be a deliberate rejection of the breast. I took the view that although this might have been the reason C was doing it, a more likely scenario was that she was ill, tired, irritable, and/or just wanting to try out her freshly-grown teeth. As she’s got older, she indicates that she doesn’t want to feed by pulling away, shaking her head, and in certain extremely cute moments, waving goodbye to me. I’m optimistic that from now on, biting will remain a thing of the past.

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Many women are uncomfortable about the idea of breastfeeding in public. They have to make schedules for going out and coming back home right away to feed the baby. Sometimes it is simply not possible. This means that they should sacrifice many occasions and critical itineraries since it’s quite unimaginable for them to breastfeed in public. If they used the new and simple solution of nursing shirts for this dilemma, then they will make use of time efficiently.

These let you breastfeed in public and at the same time, be modest. There’s an opening in the shirt to allow the baby to be fed. If you opt to go out with your baby and revel in the time you have together, you need to definitely get nursing shirts.

make a journey to the mall for maternity clothes and get the perfect ones primarily based on your size and preference. Your choice may change depending on the weather. As an example, if you’re feeling rather comfortable wearing short-sleeved shirts, you may in the warmer seasons and full sleeved or 3/4th sleeved shirts during winter season. When you go out during summer, it would be best to wear shirts that are bright in color. This way, you won’t feel as hot while wearing them.

After you get nursing shirts, wear them at home and practice breastfeeding your baby- without showing any skin. At the beginning, you may not do so good, but with more practice, you may discover the right technique. The baby will also get used to your favourite method and be snug too.

Let other folk see you when you’re wearing them ; they are going to be stunned at first, but they will become used to it. You should not feel weird or unusual because you know that nursing your baby is the easiest way to go.

I have no friggin money.

I can’t find a friggin job.

I like clothes.

Seems like I will need to start visiting second hand shops more often, and like any other good frugal persona wait for SALES. And stop impulse purchases.
AND clean up my hideously horribly disgustingly ugly Vans skate shoes that were one pretty black-and-checked-pattern shoes and now they look like homeless man’s slippers. VERY UGLY. I can has clean shooz? Gonna clean em up today and I will make sure I show you a BEFORE & AFTER picture so you can die thinking about me that I’m a dirty asshole. Muehehhe.

I had a huge argument with my mother yesterday and I couldn’t sleep because angry tears were streaming down my face like I’m some emo…

Whatever shit she thinks, I AM NOT LIKE HER & I WILL NOT BE LIKE HER & I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE HER.
Man, the ancient Chinese were right; Snakes with Tigers = very bad combination. >_<

I really, really want to be independent finally; especially financially. But I have to finish HND and find a stupid job. I’d take anything at least a little bit interesting and I’m really not keen on being a Graphic Designer 100%….I can be an assistant, I can be a sales girl, a bartender, a receptionist – WHATEVER, just give me a job because if I get accepted to Biology or Nursing, I will need some financial support for myself.

Btw this Nursing thing might not be paid well in Slovakia but do the nurses get job offers! *starry eyes* At Profesia.sk, the biggest Slovak job portal you get offers for IT geeks….management & financial jobs…and MEDICAL jobs, including jobs for nurses.
I think if I happen to allow nursing at geriatry or other places full of smelly old people I will like it. And if one day I get a job at a private hospital, I will be a very happy kitteh!

But maybe I am looking too much into the incomprehensible future. That’s what I always do. I make plans, I try to make them come true and I plan everything in detail 60 years in advance….just to see it falling apart, because future really is unpredictable to a certain extent.

Will the real control freak please stand up?

O hai, that’s me. -_-

Kids, don’t be like me, you might have issues with yourself sooner or later! *mwaks*

Oh yes and….HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY LOVELY READERS!!! Will do some little graphic wish later on when I come back from lunch with my friend. I’m a Graphic Designer afterall, I should be doing Graphic Design…wtf? Yeahyeah. Enough rambling, off I go!

I cant believe that this is the last day of 2009. It has come so super fast for real. I know that 2010 will be filled with many blessings. I will be participating in many different things next year. First of all, I will be attending nursing school in March which I am super excited about. I will be starting dancing and track and field later on in the year. I want to be the best athlete in my university!!! I havent started to train but I need to as soon as possible.

  The Nursing & Midwifery Council (NMC) is the professional regulatory body for nurses and midwives in UK. In other words – the NMC keeps our names on a register and if we get removed from (struck off) that register we can’t work as nurses any more. Currently the NMC is working on new guidelines for nurses and midwives around whistleblowing.

This seems timely in the light of recent events involving Margaret Haywood who secretly filmed abuses within the Royal Sussex Hospital for Panorama.  Good on yer Margaret. It’s good to know you were reinstated – and you won the Patients’ Choice Award too. Marvellous!

It seems that the idea is to come up with a protocol that is in keeping with the views of modern society – not just among nurse culture but the rest of the population as well.

There’s some background information here:

http://www.nmc-uk.org/aArticle.aspx?ArticleID=3733

Not only that – the NMC has been rather sporting in that they’ve asked for suggestions and opinions from us (‘the great unwashed’) about what should be included in the guidelines.

So – if you have any thoughts about what a new set of whistleblowing guidelines should look like please get in touch and let them know. Just drop them a line at:

consultations@nmc-uk.org.

The consultation period will end in April 2010 so you’d better get your skates on!

The key to accomplishing big things is to wear your bib like a cape.

Last night was another one where Molly pretty much did OK, it was mom and dad who had it rough. By the end of the day it was clear Molly wasn’t going to give mom a break from teething during nursing, so as we take steps to teach her better habits we’ve got to keep the pump and bottles going. It’s a bit of a challenge, and confused Molly more than a little, but by morning she had two long(ish) periods of sleep and we sort of joined in. Finally.

Same thing today, pump and bottles going full tilt. We’re trying a few different methods to teach Molly to watch it with the teeth, with some success, so hopefully this will pass soon. In the meantime, Molly had a big outing to the local Mexican food joint, where she astounded all by sitting in a booster chair next to dad in a booth and being amazing while we ate. Sure, I had a baggie of Cheerios which almost seems like cheating, since she’ll pretty much eat them one after another if offered. But still.

I think Molly is starting to “get” the effect she has on strangers. Today she smiled at a bunch of folks, clearly making their day, and after turned back to me with a “How about that!” kind of look. I told her I was proud of her for making people happy.

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Welcome! I hope I can learn this thing and stick with it! I guess I will make one of my resolutions to keep this current and not abandon it like so many bloggers do.

I have had an amazing, crazy, life-changing year. The events that changed my life included life, death, illness, work, family and friends. I find myself reflecting often and I my whole outlook on life has changed. I love life. I cherish friends and family, I want every day to be the best- for me and those around me. I smile more, I help more and I feel truly blessed every day I wake up.

I hope you will enjoy the challenges and triumphs that that make up my life!